How to buy one for somebody else

Start with the only question that really matters. Has this person given you any reason to think they would want it?

A conversation. A joke that went somewhere. A browse together. An actual request. If you have one of those, this is a lovely gift and the rest of this is for you.

If you do not have one of those, buy them something else. A toy given to somebody who never invited it is not a fun surprise. It is a comment on their sex life, delivered in front of whoever else is in the room, and it does not land the way you are picturing.

For a partner

Read how to bring it up with your partner first, because the conversation matters far more than the object does, and a wrapped box is the hardest possible way to start it.

Once you have had the conversation: buy small, simple and low commitment. Something external, modest in size, easy to put down. You are opening a door, not furnishing the whole room.

For a friend

Keep it light and useful rather than intimate. Good lube. A storage pouch. A proper cleaner. A small external vibrator if you know them well and the subject is genuinely already open between you.

Avoid anything that presumes anatomy, anything large, and anything that would be mortifying to unwrap in front of other people. Hen night rules are their own thing, but even there, joke gifts get thrown out and good lube gets used.

Choosing when you do not know their preferences

External over internal, because it makes fewer assumptions. Small over large, always. Rechargeable over batteries. A named material, silicone or glass or steel, never a listing that will not say. And simple over feature packed, because twenty patterns impresses nobody.

Why a gift card is not a cop out

Size, firmness, weight and the kind of motor somebody gets on with are deeply personal, and you cannot know them from the outside. Most people cannot even predict their own on the first go.

A gift card means they choose the thing that is actually right for their body, instead of you guessing at it, and nothing arrives that they then have to arrange their face about. It is the more generous option rather than the lazier one.

Ours arrive by email and never show what was bought: gift cards.

How it turns up

Every order goes out in plain unbranded packaging with nothing on the outside describing what is inside, and the sender name on the label is not the shop name. Worth knowing if you are having something sent to somebody's house, or to an office.

The short version

Only if they have invited it. Talk first if it is a partner. Small, simple, external, named material. And when you are not sure, a gift card is the better present, not the easier one.